Come children sit by the fire and listen while I tell you the tale of something fantastic and amazing. Sure to be in your hearts for all eternity.

Once upon a time [cause that's how all good stories go] there lived a little leprechaun by the name of Corvus. Corvus you say? What kind of name is that? Well let's just shut the hell up and let me go on with the story geez, damn kids always interrupting. *coughs* as I was saying before your damn questions ruined my flow, Corvus was a jolly good Leprechaun who always was a good little boy and did as his mommy told. When she said "Son, go out and protect your pot of gold," with a big grin he'd smile and say. "By golly gee wiz mother, I would love nothing more then to go and protect my pot of gold," so with a skip and a hop he went off to his pot of gold.

Now we all know if you reach the end of a rainbow you find a pot of gold. Well there was a young girl by the named of Laura and she went about and found a rainbow in a puddle. Clearly she saw the start and the end. But where was this supposed and promised pot of gold? No where to be seen. So in a fit of anger and rage she fell to her knees threw her arms in the air and screamed, "Damn yous! Damn yous all to hell you dirty leprechauns! I will sue you for such false advertisement. In the end you'll all be giving me your damn gold," her voice carried passion and crazy. Of course while she sat on her knees pedestrians passed by and looked at her like she was crazy. Everyone knows that Leprechauns weren't real, just like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Right-o. For you freaks that believe in this things, seriously no! Back to story time!

So Corvus the chaun heard the girl screaming in his underground land of awe and wonderment splashed with just a hint of rainbows, sunshine, and lollipops. In a fit of rage, and after dropping a few things of acid, he flew to the surface and pushed the girl down, pointed to the puddle and exclaimed, "Yous one crazy bitch, it's a puddle not a real rainbow," he stated as the two stared and glared at each other she stood up and lifted the little man up and stared into his eyes before holding out her hand. "Pay up," she stated. All along people stared at her like she was crazy. He gave her some coins as she threw him to the ground. "Please I'll let you do whatever you want just let me go," he pleaded for his life.

"Let’s kill Santa," Laura stated with an evil grin. So Corvus and Laura drove the magical unicorn by the name of Samuel to the North Pole and knocked on Santa's door. They tied him up and drank some booze in the end they took his shoes. But before Laura walked out the door, she lifted her axe and threw it to the floor. Standing staring at Santa she cried, "Fat Man Die," lifting the axe she hit him hard. His head split and Santa Claus died.

The End

And that's the reason why Santa isn't visiting this year. Sadness!

♥ Jesus ♥